There are places we never want our children to find. We don’t want our children to live in a world of war, terrorism, school shootings, racism, and bigotry. But they do. As parents, we are in the best position to help our children overcome these difficult situations. It is our instinctive reflex to protect our children. Although we may feel that we cannot face these situations empty-handed, Stop What happened and what we can do especially It’s about showing our children that in moments of distress like this, we can stabilize ourselves and find our footing. flat A world containing the reality of catastrophic events.
Talking to children about difficult topics builds resilience.
Our willingness to talk about difficult topics means that these painful topics navigable, They are Survivable. We also show our children that they can voice their fears and that by saying it, they can be dealt with. Commitment to tackling these challenges together is an opportunity to form one of the deepest bonds a parent and child can share: a sense of connection that comes from sharing vulnerability together. Research has proven that children in families who are resilient and connected when discussing difficult topics are three times more likely to thrive than those who don’t.
Here are some ideas to help steer the conversation and start filling in that map.
1. Stop, put an oxygen mask on yourself first, and think about your purpose. It is your presence that your child needs most.
The situation may be urgent, but the conversation doesn’t necessarily have to be. Take a moment to slow down, breathe, and think about your child’s needs rather than letting the situation guide you. Pay attention to your own facial expressions and tone of voice. Children interpret safety based not only on information but also on your facial expressions. This is not the only occasion. It will be helpful to return to difficult topics openly and build on the information to address any questions that may arise post-processing. Also, remember that we don’t know everything or have all the answers (we can’t) to comfort our children.
2. How should I approach the conversation? Follow your child’s lead and ask open-ended questions.
It’s best to start by asking open-ended questions rather than talking. For example: Have you heard anything about (world events)? You can follow up with the following questions:
- What did you hear?
- What are you wondering?
- What do you think?
- Is there anything you are concerned about or would like to know?
Decide how much to share based on your child’s reactions, emotional tone, facial expressions, and body language.
Don’t worry about being “complete” and detailed; instead, be specific and provide as simple a story as possible.
3. Help your child name the emotion he or she is feeling. Normalize and include them.
It is important to try to separate our raw emotions from our children. Often when children see their parents upset, they immediately think they have done something wrong or feel like things are out of control. You may find comfort in saying, “I’m feeling frustrated right now, but that’s none of your business.” I’m working on it and I can deal with these feelings. It’s a wave that will pass. ” This will help your child name their feelings.
4. Know that all emotions are valid and we typically feel more than one emotion at a time.
There is no one right way to feel. Some kids want to talk, some don’t. In fact, it can be very reassuring to let your child know that it’s normal to feel a variety of emotions side by side. Emotions don’t and don’t need to pile up. We may feel fear or anger. Sometimes we feel sad, and sometimes we feel strong. They are not integrated into her one unified stance, but are different aspects that are all included in the human experience. As a result, when your child names her feelings, tell her: What do you feel the most about? ” Evoke other emotions: “Are you feeling anything else?”
5. Social media is not for children. Please limit.
It’s important for tweens to remove social media if it can expose them to content that is difficult to process. Talk to your teen about how they want to handle social media and support their autonomy. Please strongly suggest why you think it should be avoided for now. Online content is unmonitored, making an already difficult experience unnecessarily unstable. Listen to their ideas and solve problems together.
6. Who is the helper? How to combat feelings of loneliness; point to things that are abundant. We work in shifts.
Just as we feel helpless in the face of disturbing events, children can also feel that way. It’s helpful to remind children that the majority of people in the world want things that support a safe, healthy, and just world. Their kids, and they work for it.
7. Let kids be kids.
In serious situations, it can feel like there is no room for joy, play, imagination, curiosity, frivolity, magic, etc. These elements are the currency of childhood, and we want our children to have fun and be safe. Children’s enthusiasm often helps bring us out of the recesses of our anxious minds and into the present. So make that move happen for you as much as possible. If you can’t participate in storytime or play the game, please explain. “Mommy can’t play right now. I’m sad, but I’ll go when I feel better. I want to come and play too.”
8. Maintain routine and structure, but also leave room for flexibility.
Just like the sun rises and sets every day, routines let children know that things are predictable during difficult times, even when things are “not normal.” Children rely on it for meals, hugs at bedtime, and even expectations for homework. Even during these difficult times, parents are not off-duty to maintain structure.
That said, it’s equally important to have some leeway in that structure for when your child is in a bad mood, needs time with you, can’t do homework, or needs a mental health day. It is important. Giving the system that concession and allowing some flexibility within the structures you maintain are very small adaptations and adaptations that can keep your child’s stress levels at a more sustainable level.
9. Connect. Social support is essential for both your children and you.
Deep within our DNA, there are important codes that sustain us. That is, we are social beings. Playing is good for children, even during difficult times, especially during difficult times, because it resets the nervous system. the important thing is, our Social relationships are also important. Children are encouraged when they see their parents helping out with what they need. Anxious children are especially worried about their parents. Knowing that your parents care about you takes the burden off your shoulders. They know they don’t have to. Getting together with friends is more than just a pastime. This helps reset the nervous system from alert mode and helps parents and children alike understand that they don’t have to rely on themselves and are not going through this alone. Helpful.
10. Action counteracts feelings of helplessness. Find ways to contribute to a better world.
Children can feel helpless when faced with news of the suffering of others. Whether writing a card of support or donating to a local, national, or international organization, acts of kindness and philanthropy at all scales strengthen our humanity and strengthen our vision for a safe and just world. Strengthen.
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We cannot prevent our children from experiencing certain realities of life, but we can help them through this time of crisis by showing them how to get through those difficult situations, supporting their mental health, and supporting them in their reality. That things can be better for everyone if we strengthen the way we work together.
©2023 Tamer E. Chansky, Ph.D.