sex and relationships
“Do you have a strong sexual desire?”
It’s this kind of unwanted sex chat that young women are forced to navigate on dating apps, and it’s not uncommon.
An anonymous woman in an Australian women’s Facebook group shared a screenshot of the first message she received from a man on dating app Hinge.
He ignores the details and instead goes straight to just a conversation and offers to “slap” her.
Hinge encouraged users to create message prompts to start conversations, and she shared that she’s the type of person who “forgets” to reply to people’s text messages.
A man she had never spoken to found her profile and left sexually suggestive messages in response to an innocent prompt.
“For every text you forget to reply to. That’s a slap on your ass. I wonder how red your ass gets,” he wrote.
The young woman then shared her experience on Facebook, asking if she was feeling “uneasy” and “overreacting” to unsolicited sexual messages from strange men.
Many women jumped on the post, calling the behavior “horrible” and reassuring women they had the right to be upset. One woman defended her message by encouraging her to see the “other side.”
“He might be a Dom or someone who likes to play like that. Just say thank you and move on without thanking him,” she suggested.
Screenshots shared by women speak to larger issues affecting women.
Women online often share unwanted sexual messages they receive on dating apps and create content around them.
A TikTok creator shared a message exchange on the dating app in which a man quickly asked her about her sexual desires.
“Do you have a strong sex drive?” he asked.
“Why would you ask something like that when you don’t know anything about me?” she replied.
The problem is so pervasive that a TikTok video of two men sharing the worst messages they found on the dating app went viral.
This included everything from men starting a conversation by asking a woman if she wanted to see his “dick” to men complimenting a woman’s tattoos or breasts as a straight introduction.
Another creator shared the types of messages she receives on dating apps, explaining that the messages are getting “gradually” worse.
She shared tons of screenshots of chats they had on the app, and most of the messages quickly turned sexual, but a man messaged her on a dating app and said, “Hello.” Before or asked her if she would like to join. In the sex chat, he sent vulgar messages.
“I’m not going to lie, I’m going to tear up my backup,” he wrote.
So why do some men do this on dating apps?
Psychologist Carly Dover said there are a number of “factors” behind why men send these types of messages.
“Firstly, a lot of men may come to the app with a real transactional mindset that this is what they want to achieve from the interaction, and they’re very upfront about this,” she explained.
Dr. Dover also said the problem is that some men don’t understand the impact these messages have on the recipient and mistakenly think it’s okay.
Dr Dover said this behavior could also be influenced by broader “social norms” and the types of men who are friends and acquaintances.
Dr Dover said such sexual messages should not be done without “consent” and men should not send them either.
“This is an issue of consent when highly coercive sexual images, photos and content are forced onto people who have not explicitly stated that they wish to receive them,” she said.
Dr Dover said the act made women feel “pressured” and “uncomfortable” and that someone should always check with their partner before sexting.
“It’s always good practice to negotiate sexual content and desires with someone before you start this conversation.”
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