The past year and a half has been spent going to the doctor and having a lot of health concerns. I didn't get any answers until this summer. All my lab results were normal and my blood work was perfect. Stress was a big issue and I spent a lot of time re-learning how to live life. Taking time to rest, lowering my expectations of myself, and saying no was hard but necessary.
Despite all the changes, my body still wasn't cooperating. A fall in January sent my body into a downward spiral, causing it to, as some say, “give its secret away.” Underlying issues that I had previously been able to control came to the surface, and I was no longer able to function as I once did. Chronic, unexplained pain now dominated my daily life. I had never felt more debilitated and defeated.
The nights are long. The days are even longer. Sometimes all my tests are normal and I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I going crazy? I'm 42 and my body just can't keep up with people 30 or 40 years older than me. It's humiliating. Thankfully, I have great doctors at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville who are getting closer to a diagnosis. For the first time, I no longer feel like I'm crazy, but I am hoping for answers and direction.
On Sunday night I heard the testimony of the former lead singer of Audio Adrenaline, a popular 90s Christian rock band. He developed a strange vocal cord disorder that left him unable to sing. During that time he lost his band, his career, his purpose, and even his marriage. He felt frustrated and angry toward God because the life he had always known was disappearing before his eyes.
He decided to move to Haiti where his parents were serving as missionaries, and God changed his focus. He no longer dwelled on his problems and what he had lost, but God changed his entire mindset. He suddenly saw the dire poverty, the broken lives, and the need for Haitian children to get the help they so desperately needed. Now, instead of ministering to people through music, he travels with different speakers and groups as an advocate for Haitian children. He eventually remarried and adopted two Haitian children. And God changed his life completely.
When he spoke to me on Sunday, he shared some profound words that my heart desperately needed to hear: “God doesn't always restore our lives. Sometimes He 'fixes' our lives.”
Those words touched my weary heart and brought tears to my eyes. No matter how much I prayed, God did not choose to heal me from this chronic pain. I can't get out and about like I always did. My body is no longer reliable, and I don't know what to do day to day. But just because God isn't healing doesn't mean I'm not healing.
This summer I spent more time writing and teaching behind the scenes than I did in the field, so my focus shifted overall – God didn't finish me, He just changed my direction.
Friends, sometimes God doesn't restore us to the way we were before. Sometimes, it takes events in our life to humble us and transform us into the person He wants us to be. He slows us down, gets our attention, and changes our hearts.
Your story hasn't turned out the way you expected it to, but it's not over yet. It may just be beginning. Why not let him “recreate” your life?
For more information about Christy, email her at christyadams008@gmail.com or follow her on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram @christybassadams.