Myrna Brown, host: Today is Tuesday, August 27. Good morning! The world and everything in it From World Radio, supported by listeners like you, I'm Myrna Brown.
NICK EICHER, HOST: I'm Nick Eicher.
World Opinion commentator Samuel James talks about the obstacles to finding true love in the age of dating apps.
YOUTUBE VIDEO: [EXCERPT]
Samuel James: Thanks to YouTube's robust memory, anyone can watch this commercial from 2006 for the online dating service eHarmony.
Warren: At eHarmony, we use a scientific system to help you find people who are looking for the same thing as you.
The website became a sensation in the mid-2000s and was one of the first internet dating tools to market itself as a matchmaking service. Its creator is Neil Clark Warren, a Christian theologian and counselor who appears in advertisements looking and sounding like a pastor encouraging two believers to find a happy marriage.
Twenty years ago, online dating was the promise that single men and women could avoid the crushing uncertainty of casual encounters and find a soul mate with whom they were truly compatible. Twenty years later, online dating apps are now commonplace. But soul mates, and marriage, are not. And with falling stock prices and increasing user complaints, the days of dating apps may be coming to an end.
So why has online dating fallen short of expectations? One reason may be the paradox of choice. Many observers have noted that the streaming era has created an audience that has access to everything imaginable, but is largely uninterested in 99 percent of it. A similar dilemma can arise when searching for potential mates on streaming. Infinite choice combined with broad freedom of choice sounds liberating, but in reality it can be paralyzing.
Another reason may be that the Internet is not so conducive to life's best experiences. The big promise of online dating was to help singles overcome the problems of limited options and the tedious trial and error that come with in-person dating. For some, including Christians, online dating has connected men and women who might not have met in the real world. Marriages have resulted because those people didn't stay online. But the overall assessment is that a generation seems conditioned to hide behind digital technology. Younger Americans have more difficulty than their elders with friendships, major life transitions, and even getting a driver's license. Are these things much harder than they were 20 years ago? Or has the frictionless experience of digital life made meeting offline realities feel more real? feel Harder?
Add to this the growing political rift between men and women, with online spaces contributing to increased polarization, splitting men on the right and women on the left. It's hardly new news that men and women don't fully understand each other. But is the growing hatred between the sexes the result of our culture's stagnant celibacy? And is that unwanted loneliness a further consequence of our over-reliance on technology to solve needs that are ultimately human, not technological?
Christians know that humans are designed for something greater than seamless efficiency and maximal choice, and that gives us an advantage over our secular neighbors in this matter. This doesn't necessarily mean abandoning online dating, but it remains true that friendship, church and community involvement, and in-person friendships are the surest paths to marriage.
Let's start with friendship by making conversation and eye contact the norm for ourselves and our children. Resist the temptation to always escape into our devices. Meaningful membership in a local church may limit our freedom in some ways, but it also provides a sacred environment for getting to know people and practicing the art of relationship building.
These practices are not just old-fashioned “tricks” to help us live family life without distractions; they are theological, even political, practices that may offer a way out of frustration, paralysis, and gender conflict.
I'm Samuel James.
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