Note: This column was originally published in 2021.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have a beautiful daughter and a son on the way. However, I always see my husband on dating sites and chat rooms for singles. When I ask him about it, he gets angry and says, “That was months ago!” But when I check my browser history, there are always sites that he visited more recently. He says he never talked to anyone, just looked. How can I get him to understand that I love him and that those are not sites for married people? Should I give up and end my marriage? I am at a loss. – Taken for Granted
Dear Taken: You don't need to make him understand that those sites aren't for married people; he already knows. He just doesn't care, or he has an urge that he can't stop. Either way, his blatant disregard for your feelings is shocking. And the fact that he's doing all this while you're pregnant is just salt in the wound. If you two are really going to work this out, you'll want to get the help of a marriage counselor. If he refuses to go, it may be time to start carefully discussing your options with an attorney.
Dear Annie: My son “Rick” and his ex-friend “Shelly” just had a baby. I love Shelly and the baby and am lucky to see my grandchild every other week. The question is how to introduce Shelly to family members who have never met her.
I don't know how to introduce the girl Rick is currently dating. I don't really like her, but they are living together. How should I introduce her to my family? – Mama Mama
Dear Mom: Let's keep it simple. Let's introduce Shelly by name and as the mother of our grandchild. Let's introduce Rick's girlfriend as Rick's girlfriend, whether she likes it or not.
Dear Annie: I've been getting a few letters lately about people who drink too much. I've been researching this since my niece died a few weeks ago from organ failure after years of heavy drinking. She didn't take any advice from anyone, but now her problem is solved.
The best I could find is a study by William Porter, a British solicitor who quit drinking seven years ago. He has written several books on alcohol. His site is www.alcoholexplained.com. The first five chapters of his book Alcohol Explained are available to read online for free. Once you read about what alcohol does to the brain, you'll never touch alcohol again. He has also published several other books and videos, all of which are very thought-provoking. – Carolyn A.
Dear Carolyn: I am so sorry that this insidious disease took your niece's life. I have read chapter 5 of Alcohol Explained, available online. As you point out, the author is a lawyer, not a doctor, but it provides a clear and useful overview of the chemistry behind the disease of alcoholism. I do not agree with the views of Alcoholics Anonymous that the author conveys in the introduction. However, I know that some people who suffer from problem drinking would prefer options other than AA, and self-education through a book like this might be helpful. (Other good options include Families Anonymous and LifeRing Secular Recovery.)
How to Forgive Your Cheating Partner is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology featuring her popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation is available in paperback and e-book. For more information, visit www.creatorspublishing.com. Ask Annie Lane a question at dearanee@creators.com.