The political divide in this country has never been more extreme. Americans have been divided into two opposing camps, and there seems to be little hope of bridging the gap. Our family, like many others, has spent the last few years at each other's throats, arguing about every aspect of national politics. To preserve our sanity, we made a conscious decision to ban political discussion from the sanctity of our home, because it was destroying the very fabric of our lives. But the downside to refraining from that discussion is that our house is so quiet that when I hear our lame neighbor Glenn trying to play his guitar, it makes me want to stick a fork in my eardrum.
The only thing scarier than reading about how voting for one party could lead to World War III and voting for another party could create an elected dictator who could take away our rights is Glenn trying to play “Smoke on the Water” for the millionth time. Come on, music isn't for everyone, so stop it. Please. At least if it's total nuclear annihilation, you can look forward to a swift death than having to listen to Glenn.
Our kids finally convinced us to move on from our obsession with party politics, arguing that we spent more time fighting than “meeting their basic needs.” If that's what they wanted, fine, but from now on, we'll just have to sit in silence at the dinner table every night, with nothing to say to each other, listening to Fuckface play the hell out of his Gibson.
In what many experts are calling the most important election of our lifetimes, it is important that we remove the voices that are trying to divide us and seek to unite our people. Otherwise, everything we hold dear may crumble and disappear.
But if our worst fears come true and 2024 becomes known as the year fascism finally takes hold in this country, maybe they’ll outlaw alleged artists like Glenn and send them to re-education camps in North Dakota. That might be a reasonable concession for never having to hear his so-called power chords again.