sex and relationships
Singles like Tara Schuster turn to Google Docs in their search for love.
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Singles tired of endlessly swiping through online dating profiles are turning to an unexpected site in search of love: Google Docs.
Viral social media trends are prompting daters to delete Tinder and Bumble and start creating shared documents and posting them publicly.
The rudimentary method comes after the CEO of dating app Hinge admitted in an interview this week that app burnout is common.
Potential matches can browse the Date Me Directory, read documents, and reach out via social media and email.
They need to reveal their gender, what they’re looking for in a date, their location, whether they prefer monogamy or polyamory, and whether they belong to a special interest community.
So far, the skew has been skewed to 70% men and 30% women, but the men the Post spoke to said the women featured were “passionate.” And several of the four daters we spoke to had already found a connection.
Tara, 36: “It could be a great meeting.”
Tara Schuster, 36, of Los Angeles, has been using the app “since it was invented.” After 10 years, she was burnt out. So three months ago, she created a dating document.
“Apps have been helpful to me in the sense that it’s very easy to date,” she said. “But after a certain point, they stopped giving me what I wanted. When I’m in a bad mood, I keep getting a lot of likes and I get a little bit of a dopamine hit. ”
Ms. Schuster, a writer and author of “Buy Me a Damn Flower,” had read about dating documents online and decided to fill them out late at night.
“I had just gotten out of a relationship, and it was like the worst breakup I’ve ever been through,” Schuster, who said she downloaded and deleted Hinge 15 times, told the Post. “I decided I wanted to do something different, something completely different.”
“Date me. Or don’t! I don’t know. I think I’m pretty cool,” she wrote, consisting of several short paragraphs about herself, her interests, and her relationship goals. It is written in the document. “I love being active and want the love dreams of a smart pants nerd.”
The decision to create this document came after Mr. Schuster actually decided to meet someone. In addition to creating her GoogleDoc, she hired her matchmaker in Los Angeles and joined her running club.
“With apps, there are no meet-cute moments,” she said. “It’ll be something new, at least when it comes to documents. For example, can you believe she published a Google Doc?”
Mr. Schuster has scrolled through other documents but has not contacted anyone. She often gets contacted by men who read her profile, but even though “everyone is really nice,” she doesn’t find anyone who is compatible with her.
“They are not people I would ever meet under any circumstances,” she said. “It seems like they’re really part of this dating doc community, but I don’t think so myself.”
However, as she is looking for a “best friend and life partner”, she thinks it can’t hurt to keep the documents just in case. That’s not a bad thing for me. It seems completely benign. ”
Even if it didn’t work out, the paperwork, and the time and attention she put into it, raised her standards.
“This document changed the way we think about apps,” Schuster said. “When I saw how much effort people put into these documents, I realized that a lazy dating profile was a red flag.”
Ujjwal, 32: “My family is sharing my dating document”
Ujjwal Belagapudi has never been in a long-term relationship and his family is starting to have doubts.
“I’m Indian, and in our culture we usually tend to get married a little early,” he said. “I’m 32 years old. Not necessarily old, but the pressure is there.”
Velagapudi, a serial entrepreneur based in Southwest Florida, has tried just about every app, from Tinder and Bumble to Coffee Meets Bagel and apps aimed at Indian-Americans.
But despite at least 100 first dates, things didn’t work out for him.
“It’s just a paradox of choice,” he told the Post. “Things go away and no one can bring them back, because there are a million other options.”
So when I heard about doc dating on a podcast, I thought I’d give it a try. A month ago, he drew up a document and sent it to his family and friends who are trying to introduce him to a marriage partner.
“This is a way to involve my family and friends,” he said. “I just send them a link and they send it to someone else because it’s easy to share a little more about me. They say, ‘There’s a guy I know. You can say, “If you like him, let me know and that’s it.” There’s no pressure. ‘”
Belagapudi has been upfront about her intentions in the document, saying she is looking for a serious relationship and wants to get married and have children “like it was yesterday”.
“I think if you can articulate who you are in writing, you’ll get a response from more serious types of people,” he explained. “It’s not that mainstream, it’s not that appealing. It takes a certain type of person.”
Although he has not contacted anyone else with whom he created dating documents, he has received emails from several women on his social networks.
“It elicits a different type of response from the app. It’s like night and day,” he said. “They pick out little things from my doctor that resonated with me. And you can see their character through the way they write.”
Velagapudi has FaceTimed several potential partners and is currently planning a date with one.
In the meantime, he plans to continue distributing his documents and sending them to those who have created them as well. “We all know hundreds of people who could refer you to someone else, and vice versa, just because of network effects.”
June 33: “It’s our last hope.”
June, an MBA student from Boston, was working on a project on dating apps in November when she learned about dating documents from a classmate.
The 33-year-old Thai native decided it was worth taking a shot.
“I was starting to lose trust in dating apps, especially because of the ghosting,” June, who asked that her last name be withheld for privacy reasons, told the Post. “I think using them a lot is not good for your mental health. I feel very burnt out.”
She reached a breaking point when her ex-partner, whom she met on Bumble, cheated on her by going on vacation with him.
“People seem to be putting their last hope in this dating document movement,” June said.
Her document, which took two hours to create, details her career, hobbies, relationship style, and what she’s looking for.
“I realized that if I wanted to meet someone long-term, I needed to put in a little more effort,” June said. “The format of a dating profile is determined by the creator of the dating app. However, in this case, you can create whatever you want. It was actually fun to create.”
She had been emailing for weeks with one of her potential matches, whose family values stood out to her in his documentation.
June says this format made it easy for her to take the first step. For example, how are you doing, where do you live, how was your day? This format allows the conversation to move faster and deeper. ”
He is currently in Dubai and plans to go on a date when he returns.
Meanwhile, only one person has contacted her directly so far. He’s not June’s type, but she’s hopeful.
“We feel it’s a better alternative than dating apps, but we need more people to join this movement,” she says. “I think it’s quality over quantity at this point.”
She predicts that online dating will eventually move toward longer, more labor-intensive formats like dating documents. She says, “The dating industry is currently changing and I feel that in the future people will start prioritizing high quality matches.”
Dragos, 27: “Documentation gives me creative freedom.”
Dragos, 27, uses virtually every app, including Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, and OkCupid. He even paid for Tinder’s premium features when he was 19 years old.
But when I recently saw this app offering a $500/month service, I realized just how sinister the incentives are. date scene. ”
Although he’s had about 40 first dates through the app, the Toronto resident says all of his successful relationships have come from meeting people in person.
“Apps are just exploiting human psychology in the worst way,” said Dragos, who works in software and artificial intelligence and asked that his last name not be used for privacy reasons. “I don’t think most women are happy with this move. And neither are the men. Everyone has some bitterness towards the other side.”
So, in early December, I saw a Twitter post about the dating doc and decided to join out of curiosity.
His documents detail his preference for monogamy, his desire to live anywhere in the world, and call him a “fiery hippie type.”
“I volunteer to be a colonist on Mars. If you’re serious about your future, I’m in too,” he wrote.
“This is my first iteration,” Dragos explained. “I just thought of my own random sampling off the top of my head. I actually didn’t think much of it.”
It’s only been a little over a week since he published the document, but it took him 15 minutes to scroll through all the women’s profiles in his Date Me Directory. Like most dating apps, Document Directory is biased towards men over women.
“They’re all very interesting people,” Dragos said. “There are a lot of really smart women who are doing PhDs and doing interesting and creative things. And they’re passionate.”
He contacted one of the possible matches in Berlin, but has not heard back yet. In the meantime, he plans to scroll through new profiles every month and update his documents from time to time.
“It’s great because there’s a lot of creative freedom,” he said. “I think you can be more thorough in written form. And there’s a lot you can share with potential partners.”
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