- Written by Claire Graham
- BBC News NI
A social media group set up to name men to avoid on dating apps has been described as “deeply worrying”.
The private Facebook group ‘Are We Dating The Same Guy Belfast/Derry/Northern Ireland’ has 25,000 members.
The post features a screenshot of a dating profile in which a woman asks members about red flags about them.
Charitable Men’s Union NI has warned that online character assassination could lead to men considering suicide.
The page states that its purpose is to support and empower other women.
Its aims range from warning women “about liars and abusers” to providing a place to ask questions about people they’re dating.
BBC News NI has come across comments that raise serious concerns and suspicions about the man.
Information about the man’s personality, behavior during the date, appearance, lines of conversation, etc. are also posted along with photos and names.
‘My heart sank’
Jack (not his real name) told BBC News NI his “heart sank” when he found out he was on the site posted by a woman seeking information about her.
“To think that my face and name were out there for people to comment on without my knowledge made me wonder if anything I said would be taken as the truth, even if it wasn’t.” āI became paranoid,ā he said.
āHowever, I recognize that when used appropriately, the term can also be helpful for women who are insecure about men.ā
Another man called Johnny (also not his real name) said he was shocked and disappointed by what happened.
He added that he had experienced a “clear lack of confidence” since the discussion online.
āI kept repeating this in my head all day every day. When I went out to Belfast, I wondered if that girl was looking at me strangely because she saw me on her Facebook page. Ta.
“It’s not good for your mental health. It’s a nuisance that this continues.”
“Like the Wild West”
Cary Baxter, from Men’s Alliance NI, a charity that supports people who have experienced domestic violence and provides other services, said: “Men and women-bashing pages are like the Wild West.” said.
He said one of his main concerns was the impact such “character assassination” had on men.
“They’re afraid of not being able to go out on the street, and everyone they pass knows their history and what they’re accused of, and they literally can’t face it in public. is.
āIt has a huge impact on their mental health and can worsen their mental health to the point where they consider suicide.ā
Mr Baxter said it was “very concerning” to learn how large the group was.
He added: “The rules of this group are very strict and from what I’ve seen online you’re not allowed to mention this or mention that. But from what I understand, within the group None of these rules are being followed,” he added. ā
BBC News NI has contacted the page administrator and moderator, as well as Meta’s Facebook, for a response.
The PSNI says if you have concerns about your dating behavior or relationship history, “don’t ignore the red flags”.
Advice from the police
Detective Inspector Lindsay Fisher said: ‘Although the vast majority of people who use online dating sites and apps do so with honest intentions, our experience shows that there is a possibility that they are lying. “We now know that some people are sexually active and some exhibit sexually predatory behavior.”
“If you decide to meet someone in person for the first time, be sure to meet in a public place, let friends and family know about the meeting and your location, and don’t be afraid to raise the alarm if something happens. I feel that.ā
“People’s safety is of paramount importance to us, so we would like to hear from anyone who is concerned about the behavior of someone they speak to or meet online. We take such reports very seriously and conduct relentless and thorough investigations to pursue potential perpetrators.
āWe will also have police officers on patrol during the busy festive period to monitor for predatory behavior in high-traffic areas and to protect vulnerable people.ā
Last year, 4,135 people reported sexual assault and abuse to the PSNI, 338 of which occurred in online spaces such as popular online dating platforms and other chat apps.
When asked if there had been any reports or concerns about the Facebook page, the PSNI said: “We are unable to provide a breakdown of reports of malicious communications relating to specific web pages or online sites.”